15 reasons why kids get angry and what to do about it
I will never forget him… that little boy who came to me because he had major problems at school with other children.
His problem was that he would fight when he got angry during breaks and in the classroom that caused more and more inconvenience. And what a nice kid I saw, open and spontaneous and with a beautiful bunch of red hair.
That red hair turned out to be exactly the problem: When I asked him why he let himself be upset, he said she called him lighthouse and he didn't like it.
To find out exactly how that worked for him, I started teasing him a bit. And sure enough, he turned completely red from his toes. The lighthouse went on….
Many reasons to get angry
The nice thing about angry children, but also adults, is that everyone is different. What is very blood pressure increasing for some people is something to shrug your shoulders about for others. Where one goes completely loose, the other does not even notice that something is wrong. How fascinating is it to investigate why a child, adolescent or parent starts to feel angry and, of course, how to deal with this.
Some common reasons for kids to get angry include:
It's not true
What happened to the boy was that he did not consider himself a lighthouse. And when someone says something you don't think is true, you can get quite angry about it. If the other then insists that his vision is true, there could just be a fuse in a powder keg that quickly catches fire. We just need to look at politics and poke around Facebook to spot this reason for anger.
What can be done about this?
The learning task is to recognize in this form of anger that everyone can have a different opinion and that IT may not exist right away. In addition, you can learn a lot from a different opinion, among other things to learn to have a well-considered opinion and you can also learn to put things into perspective so that you do not have to feel less angry.
I want something different than you want
A real classic with children. They start playing together and cannot agree on the game to play. Because child one had come up with this, while child two is really sure that they had agreed on something else. See the conflict for which, unfortunately, the parents or teacher usually have to find a solution.
What can be done about this?
Actually, such a conflict is fantastic because it teaches children to negotiate and stand up for their interests. They also learn to take each other into account and to give someone else something. How unfortunate then that we adults often disrupt this learning process so much?
It's not fair
The teacher is favoring someone, the referee is partial, she can watch a movie and that group can go home earlier. Everyday there are several times when someone is wronged. Either it concerns yourself or you get very angry because you see someone else being seriously wronged. Whether it is about yourself or about injustice against someone else, it can be very difficult to stay calm about this.
What can be done about this?
Learning to deal with injustice can be very difficult because it is so attached to important values. You can learn to put things into perspective and to think that someone else can learn to stand up for themselves and that they have no chance if you do it. In addition, you can learn to accept that there is a lot of injustice and your intention to remain pure yourself.
I had counted on it
This is a lesson in dealing with disappointment. It is not easy when you are looking forward to something or you are happy with a prospect that you have to let it go. All your plans are shattered and you have to set a new course. You can get quite upset about that.
What can be done about this?
By learning to deal with disappointments you learn to deal with changes so that you become more flexible and can switch more easily from one situation to another. In addition, you can learn to maintain a good mood when things go differently than expected and thus perhaps also learn to understand what disappointment means for others, so that you can learn to remain friendly in difficult situations
I fall short and others are favored
This form of anger looks a bit like injustice, but it has a different primal feeling. The anger is mainly caused by the feeling that the other person is of more value than yourself. You think that the other person is better, more beautiful and more important and that the person who calls the shots finds you less important and less beautiful and sweet.
What can be done about this?
Obviously, you will learn that you are okay just the way you are. Since this is not obvious to most of us, it is important that you learn that every person is different and that you explore who you are valuable to all. Who do you make the difference for and who would be very sad when you are gone. This often helps to put things into perspective to learn that not everyone has to like you and that people are simply treated differently. And a different treatment does not have to say anything about who you are, but says everything about what is equally important in the circumstances at that moment. Learning to distinguish between what is there and who you are.
I can't control myself
This type of anger is often a habit. I regularly hear from children and especially adolescents that they use their anger to get their way. After all, if they make a lot of noise than others, starting with the parents, they are much more likely to give in to the angry child's demands. The sad thing about this way of expressing anger is that these children often end up alone when they get older because others do not feel like being manipulated by a screaming other and adolescents among themselves certainly also disdain this.
What can be done about this?
First of all, it makes sense to investigate when and where the angry child does have control. This is direct proof that the child can do it, but does not choose it in certain situations. The learning task is then to learn to adapt to the circumstances, even in difficult situations, to learn to take your loss, to grant others something, to learn to keep quiet, to learn to accept that you cannot control the world and to learn that you learn to give anger words that will help you get your way.
More reasons to get angry
There are, of course, countless other reasons to get angry and these are listed below. Most of the reasons have to do with all the reasons mentioned earlier.
Can't stand your loss
Not being able to stand what others say or do
Being overtired and getting too many stimuli
It is different than you expected
Want to draw up and implement your own plan
Don't want to wait for your turn
Disagree with the rules
Others fail to keep their promises
Others cheat
Almost all reasons for anger have to do with boundaries. Someone is crossing your boundary of what you expected or what you think is important. And because we are not alone in the world, we have to take into account the limits that are placed on us every day. If we find that still difficult, we often react more strongly than the situation requires. For children it is important that we keep explaining to them what is going on and that they have a choice of how they want to deal with those boundaries in that situation.
And the lighthouse?
The boy with the beautiful red hair was also allowed to learn that the opinions of others did not have to mean anything about who he was. It had just become a game to the others because he let himself be lured out of the tent. So he could learn to deal differently with the opinions of others and did not have to care what they thought of him.
To be honest, I don't know how it ended with him because I have never seen him again, but I sincerely hope for him that he has come to see his red hair as something unique and he must already be an adult ...
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